If that’s a genuine question you have, I want you to do two things. Look up in how many countries around the world being a member of the LGBTQ+ community is illegal. Then look up how many countries have the death penalty for LGBTQ+ people.
That’s a lot of countries.
And it’s also just the tip of the iceberg. But we needed to start somewhere.
Traveling is not that straight-forward (pun kind of intended). Where can I go without being thrown in jail or worse? Where will I not have to explain that she is not my sister, my best friend or whatever else people come up with, but actually my girlfriend and that a double bed is what we’d like.
Where can I just be me? Where can lesbians kiss in public without drawing attention? Where can we walk around holding hands?
I can tell you one thing – Switzerland is not the place.
Just like what feels like anywhere in the world, hate crimes have gone up here too.
Telling a man who’s hitting on you that you’re a lesbian should be the end of the story. What it actually does is increase the chance that men will rape you. You know because you’ve clearly never been with a “proper” man before.
A scary realization.
Then there is having to come out over and over again.
Where do I even start?
Are you sexually active? Yes. Could you be pregnant? No. Are you sure? Well, unless some guy drugged and raped me – yes, I am.
Do you have a boyfriend or husband? Nope. And then you have to consider whether you want to add that you have a girlfriend or wife or just leave it.
“Oh, you had a date! What’s his name?”. This one’s tricky unless it’s a name that could be either. You could say that you’re not comfortable sharing that information. Or you could say “HER name is …”.
The question could be inclusive as in “their name” or “his or her name”. It’s a tiny change, but it makes a difference.
Yet, we live in a hetero-normative world.
Then there is the coffee break at work.
The women talking about this guy or that guy being hot or their husbands and boyfriends and you’re standing there unsure whether it’s safe to tell everybody or whether you’ll just go along and pretend.
And you end up not being yourself because it might not be safe. Self-protection is sometimes necessary.
Necessary – and exhausting.
It might look or seem easy from the outside. If you’re straight-passing, you just pretend and it’s okay.
But it’s not okay.
It gets to you. You don’t want to hide it, but in certain situations it’s safer.
My Substack community knows. People who’ve read my book know. Friends know - some stuck around, some haven’t. Two members of my entire (and quite big) family know.
Not because I’m ashamed, but because safety is never guaranteed.
And that’s the part people don’t see.
Pride Month exists because safety is still conditional.
We’d like to be accepted for who we are. We’d like to feel safe being who we are.
Wearing a Pride pin this month shows us that you’re an ally.
If you are – consider letting people know.
Thank you.
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I dream of a world where everyone just accepts others the way they are. But I realize that doesn’t get us there. Information, education, activism, laws, and more is needed to make the change. And challenges are only increasing this decade. Thank you for your timely article.
"Traveling is not that straight-forward (pun kind of intended)."
Never straight. Gaily forward 😊
Signed, Bi ally 🤍