What others think of you is none of your business!

On society, stereotypes, mindset and letting go of preconceived ideas about yourself.

Let me give you some context first. I started walking during the first lockdown in the spring of 2020. It was pretty much the only thing I could do. That or riding my bike. Luckily, I live in an area where both could be done safely right outside my front door. These were just short walks, possibly up to an hour each. I then thought I’d see if I could walk 20 kilometers – just for the fun of it. Turns out I could. This was a flat walk along a river. Nothing too hectic. I enjoyed being in nature, by the water, the solitude of it. I try to get out early in the mornings.

I had previously looked at long-distance hikes in Switzerland, but you know what held me back? The stages. They were too long. I put that idea aside. I also had that picture ingrained in my head that hikers were these very sporty and slim people who just raced up a mountain, not sweating in the process and never getting tired. That certainly wasn’t me. I’m not what people picture when the think of a hiker. What would people think if they saw me on one of those long hikes. Would they even believe me?

When I told people about my plans the reactions were. “Are you sure that’s safe?” (meaning hiking on my own); “Are you sure you can do this?” (fitness level); “Shouldn’t you lose some weight first?” (ideally yes, better for my joints) or they might have said something like “wow, that’s a long hike” and gone quiet. For years I had let these doubts keep me from doing things I wanted to do and things I knew I could do. I had ingrained people’s opinions and was convinced that being the size I was, I really shouldn’t be doing so many things. I was holding myself back because of that.

Suddenly I realized that what others thought was really none of my business. These ideas society, family and (former) friends had put in my head didn’t have to stay there. I wanted to hike on my terms, based on my abilities and nobody was gonna stop me. I was having fun, it was good for my mental health, I wasn’t hurting anybody. So, I started mapping my own stages. I hiked in the hills for two to three hours at a time. Sometimes a bit longer. My goal has always been to enjoy it. If that meant taking three times longer than posted, I was gonna be okay with that.

I was reminded of the quote by Denis Waitley (there are also people who attribute it to Jean-Michel Basquiat) that says

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.

I wasn’t a hiker, I didn’t and still don’t look like a hiker, I didn’t and still don’t dress like a hiker – those cool hiking pants don’t come in large sizes. Turns out you can hike in regular pants too; and they might even have better pockets.

Making it across the Alps

Luckily my new friends were supportive and talked me through my hikes across the Gotthard Pass. I wrote about this in three separate newsletters (part 1, part 2, part 3). It looks like no big deal and might not be to most people. To me it was a very big deal and I am incredibly proud of all the things that I have overcome to make it. Nobody can take that away from me. Also, comparing yourself to others is very unhealthy. I did the best I could with what I had.

The road to get here was long and hard but I made it!

Remember this: nobody has your exact life experience. Why should you listen to any thoughts they might have on how you live your life? Just because generations of people have been taught to live by other people’s standards and norms doesn’t mean that we have to continue that cycle. Let’s break it! And that starts in our own head, in our own perception of ourselves and of what our life is supposed to look like. Is this really ME?

Letting go of what others think is the first hurdle – and it’s the smallest

As I said above, it’s not just what others think of us right now but it’s also what we internalize throughout our lives. So many of my decisions were based on what others would think if a woman, an overweight person, an adult, a teacher - pick any group – did something that didn’t conform to societal norms.

I’m still in the process of letting go of these preconceptions I have about myself. It’s a long process. I mean this started when I was very young. You know the being told what girls couldn’t do, what girls weren’t supposed to be good at. Didn’t stop me from being top of my class in math, building my own furniture and kicking the boys’ butts at soccer. How very unlady-like of me. I was also the first female fire fighter in my small village. And that made the news.

I have all this history of breaking stereotypes and of doing my own thing and yet I was still letting what others thought of me and what I had internalized hold me back. I needed a major mindset shift. I started showing up as me – new me. The me that had been hiding. New me is fierce, sporty and witty. She’s not taking anyone’s BS and she’s going places.

Watch this space!