Sunday morning thoughts – Sept. 17, 2023

Tough week – emotionally. Trigger happy too.

I might have to put some trigger warnings on this one for suicide, abuse, trauma. Don’t think I can avoid these topics today.

Sunrise Salhöhe - September 11, 2023

Monday was pretty good, it started with a hiking date at sunrise. I then went to work for a 3-hour training session and decided to go see Barbie after. I’m still not sure what I thought of it. Too much pink and plastic for me and I don’t think they succeeded in making the point they were trying to make. But hey! the popcorn was great, and it got me out of the heat. Okay, I do have something to say right now: the only Barbie I liked in that movie was Weird Barbie. She was the one who didn’t conform. That tells you something.

I also lit a candle to remember 9-11 and how it changed the world, to remember the ongoing pain and suffering of survivors, the trauma of it all. Twenty-two years on and I still can’t believe what happened that day. There were people online saying “no way you remember what you were doing when you heard”. How can anybody NOT remember what they were doing? It’s not something you forget. How could you?

It was also the week Jill Dillard’s book came out. The scale of the abuse in her family (you might have heard of the Duggars and/or the IBLP) is just beyond belief. I’m sure it’s just the tip of the iceberg. Most of their children have been slapped with NDAs. And by “slapped with” I mean forced to sign ridiculous contracts with their dad. The Duggars’ show was on TLC for many years, and Jim Bob Duggar made millions. The kids weren’t paid. The kids were forced to film. The network knew about the abuse. The family knew. Still they went on tv and pretended everything was perfect.

What really got to me was the revelation that Jill’s abuser, her brother Josh Duggar was in the room watching her give an interview on Megyn Kelly. The topic was … drum roll … his abuse of his sisters and a family friend. The women were forced to go on national tv saying how they had forgiven Josh and how it was all not that big of a deal. How he was just a young boy who was a little to curious about girls. And he was freaking watching them, smiling and joking with the crew. This is just beyond sickening. He’s now in jail for 12 years for possession of some of the worst CP that’s out there. This is according to one of the lead detectives on the case. Oh and in true IBLP fashion this is all the wife’s fault - obviously …

Sadly, the theme continues with a story that came out of the Catholic Church in Switzerland. Decades of abuse just swiped under the carpet. Victims had been coming forward for just as long, but those children were forced to continue going to church, to be alone with certain priests, to be traumatized over and over again. I was also reminded of the fact that kids as young as eight are expected to go to confession. If they don’t have anything to confess they have to make something up because they are sinners by definition. It’s really just beyond me how people are still members of this church and put money into it.

Let me explain quickly what I mean. In Switzerland you pay church taxes. There are three state-recognized churches: Protestant, Catholic and a more “liberal” version of Catholicism called Christ-Katholisch where women can be priests, where there is no celibacy requirement and where same sex marriage is allowed – this is just FYI not because I’m a fan of them … at all). These churches can each tax their members. Depending on where you live and your income church taxes can be quite a chunk of money (average is probably about $1000 dollars a year. That’s a guestimate.). It’s not enough to refuse your confirmation into the church aged 16 to be done with it. You have to formally decline membership. This used to be difficult. Now it’s straight-forward for the Protestant church. No reason needed you just tell them “I want out”. They even have a form you can download online. Takes about five minutes. I can only speak to that process. I hear for the Catholic churches it’s more of a drag. No pun intended.

As if all that had not already triggered me enough I went to a hiking event and there was this one person who made it known that they didn’t want me there and that they didn’t like the idea of hiking ambassadors and they went off on this pointless and awful rant. I was on the receiving end of it and while I realize that they weren’t criticizing me as a person, there was a trigger in that for sure. The feeling of being unwanted, the feeling of not belonging, the feeling of being the odd one out – literally take your pick. Luckily it was just one grumpy old man who kept staring at me throughout dinner, getting grumpier by the minute just seeing what a good time we were having at our table. Later deliberately bumping into me – just being a complete jerk. How sad a person do you have to be to behave like that towards somebody you’ve not met before. Well, even towards somebody you know well for that matter. I don’t expect everybody to like me, but no need to be a jerk about it. I almost said something a bit passive-aggressive and bitchy … well, I’m gonna say it. Good thing he wasn’t sitting at our table, he didn’t seem like he could follow an intelligent conversation. Word is telling me that the word “bitchy” is offensive. I do apologize! Or not. Seriously Word, mind your own business!

Looking back at this week there’s no wonder I was triggered left, right and center. What a week! And it wasn’t done with me yet. In my already emotional state I read about a suicide by train and that completely derailed my Friday evening and Saturday. Still feeling emotional now. I think I’m going to just put a link to what I wrote about suicide before right here. Please be mindful of reading this if it could be something that triggers you.

Sometimes life gets emotional. Sometimes life makes you cry. Sometimes you just want to hide under your covers with a bucket of ice cream. Sometimes it would be nice not to be alone. Sometimes you could really use a hug. This was certainly a week like that.

Hugs all around.