Society: Norms and Standards – Rant 3

Your weight defines your beauty and whatever your body shape - it’s wrong.

Yes, you read that right. Because if your body (shape) is okay and you are happy with it, then the diet and work out fraction of the beauty industry are not making billions of dollars off of you. So, whatever your body looks like is wrong. And there’s so much that can be wrong with it. I mean just look at your feet and your knees and have you seen your butt lately? Hello gravity from your boobs. And where’s that thigh gap? It’s great that you’re skinny, but where are your curves? I could go on …

You’re skin and bones – eat more. You’re overweight – eat less. But! Don’t eat sugar or dairy or gluten or carbs. Carbs are really bad, you need more protein, but the right kind of protein and that needs to be eaten after the workout unless your workout is *I can’t remember what* because then it needs to be before or even during. If you don’t eat five a day, you’ll die immediately. Fat free is best of course because you’re trying to lose fat, but your body won’t lose fat unless you eat some. Eat this to jump start your metabolism, but for me to tell you what it is I want your money. Super foods and such. Don’t eat in the morning, don’t eat late at night - unless you’re in the Mediterranean. Coffee is good for you, coffee is bad for you, coffee is good for you again. I’ve lost track of what’s true now. We can’t eat meat on Good Friday because Jesus! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but intermittent fasting is the way to go and that means skipping breakfast (depending on your version). And bread is deadly, especially if you add chocolate. Now that last one is not true for Switzerland. I don’t think we ever properly joined the *no bread craze*. Our bread is just too good, I guess. And you all know about Swiss chocolate.

I probably missed a ton of rules, but how is anybody supposed to enjoy their food anymore?! Especially those of us who grew up with a dysfunctional relationship with food. I just want to shout leave me the fcuk alone and eat what I like. I’ve actually started doing that and I feel great. I had to completely relearn my relationship with food. And I mean COMPLETELY. I’m not saying society was at the root of this (I know what was in my case), but it most certainly didn’t help.

Picture this: active 14-year-old who plays handball (the team kind) and wants to buy a pair of sports shorts. The only ones that fit were XL. Just for reference purposes: I was 1.65 m and 52 kilos. That’s not extra-large. It just isn’t. At 14 many of us feel insecure about our bodies and that certainly didn’t help. Also, girls were not supposed to have a healthy appetite even if they trained three times a week and rode their bikes everywhere. So, you’re left feeling fat and hungry because you’re not eating properly. Yeah, that’s helpful.

Fast forward to now. I would love to wear proper hiking pants. They do have them in my size usually. Trouble is that in active wear a size 46 is much smaller than for regular pants. There’s no way I fit into those. You can order some online. Guess what my size is in hiking pants? Triple XL or it would be if they had anything bigger than 2XL. Large? Definitely. Extra-large? - Sure. Triple extra-large? Are you freaking kidding me?! Yes, that really makes people want to go outside where others can see them. Very helpful!  

This is just an example for the *if you want to lose weight you need to move more and eat less* bunch. That’s easy to say, but what do you expect us to wear when we go out and move? Regular street clothes? I think sports stores that specifically sell active wear in bigger sizes could make a real profit, but what do I know. Also, we’re allowed to do sports for fun without wanting to lose weight. Did you know that? And no, I’m not hiking to lose weight. I like it. Would it be easier (especially uphill) if I weighed less – well, duh! But that’s not the reason I’m doing it.

Oh and, if it was as easy as moving more and eating less (which is the biggest lie ever) why is it not working for so many people? The diet industry only makes money if it isn’t working. That’s why! Remember that. All those promises of how to lose weight (fast) – just hand over your life savings. Sure … And then we yo-yo diet and society blames us for a lack of discipline for not sticking to an impossible calorie deficit. All this while we were doing sports and starving ourselves.

There would be much better results if we ate just whatever we wanted and enjoyed it. There’s so much more to it than just eating less and moving more. I mean there’s hormones, there’s the thyroid, there’s water and the lymphatic system, there’s underlying psychological challenges and much more, I’m sure. None of those are a matter of discipline, but all of them can have severe effects on your self-worth when diets are not working.

Yes, there might be an obesity crisis in some countries. Yes, obesity is linked to certain diseases. I’m not doubting that, BUT slim doesn’t automatically mean healthy. And overweight doesn’t automatically mean unhealthy. Can we stop with that already? All bodies are different! And isn’t that great? How boring would life be otherwise?

I’ll have my grandma help me with this point. She had an active lifestyle and had been the same weight all her adult life or as long as I knew her anyway. She was 48 when I was born. Aged 87, a new doctor wanted to put her on a diet because her weight was “unhealthy”. She told him to fcuk off (well, I can’t put what she actually said in here – believe it or not this is the watered-down version). And I’m totally with her on that. She’s have lived like one day longer or something and been miserable for the rest of her life.

One more thing: if your answer to somebody saying “I’m fat” is “no, you’re beautiful”, please think about what you just said. How is beautiful the opposite of fat? Same goes for “you look great – have you lost weight?”. Just stop after the first part. It’s not that hard. I’m not shaming people who do/did this. I’m asking you to pay attention to it. It’s deep-rooted. A study I once participated in as part of my Psych. degree ties in nicely with this. It looked at attributes we give people of different shapes and sizes. It measured things like a tiny hesitation in labeling somebody who was overweight “beautiful”. That was eye opening!

Notice it, change it. Especially if you’re assigning those negative attributes to yourself. Or are refusing to assign the positive ones. You deserve to be happy; you deserve to be here; you deserve to take up space on this planet.

You are enough! Just the way you are. Don’t let society tell you otherwise!

**More on food, trauma, diet and the psychology behind it coming up in my other newsletter.