You have a broken finger? Suck it up – there are much worse injuries!

Yes, you read that right.

And, you would never say that to a friend who has a broken finger, would you? Then why the fukc do I keep hearing people say this exact thing when friends are struggling with their mental health? Yes, there are much worse injuries than a broken finger. I think we can agree on that. But does this mean that the broken finger does not need to be looked at at all? I think we would also agree that this isn’t the case. What we don’t need to hear is that we should be thankful about the broken finger because look at Tommy he broke his entire arm or shoulder or leg. That isn’t helpful at all.

Yet, we do it when it comes to mental health. We tell people to be grateful that they are not in Tommy’s shoes. Btw, this is a completely fictional Tommy. I don’t actually know a Tommy - which is probably why I picked this name.

Back to that broken finger. Now, we’ve established that it’s a minor injury – as injuries go. But there might be some hidden damage, or it could be a very complicated fracture and tendons could be affected too. Also, remember the joints? You might lose function in one of those. Okay, I will admit that I’ve never broken a bone, but that’s not actually the point I’m trying to make. What I’m trying to convey is that even those “minor” injuries could end up being much worse than we first thought.

Now in that case because it was a physical injury the finger was seen by a doctor quite quickly and the healing process started.

If we’re struggling with our mental health for some reason – we might not even know the reason - and we’re constantly being told to be grateful, to be happy, to look on the bright side without anybody taking our feelings seriously, where does that leave us? Are we ourselves going to take those feelings seriously when we should clearly just be grateful we’re not dealing with “real” trauma? Could we please stop doing this? It’s so very harmful. And it is the same as telling a friend with a broken finger to suck it up.

Seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist at short notice, that’s a different story. We need more of them. And that’s also why I keep writing about these topics. I meet too many people who think their problems are not big enough for them to even talk about - because there’s so many others who have it a lot worse. How is that solving any problems? I will continue to let people know that they are not alone. And I will continue to let people know when I’m having a shit day. Because guess what?! Those happen. They are normal. Not talking about them doesn’t make them magically disappear, does it? Yet we’ve normalized pretending to be okay – always.

Can you call in sick where you are and officially take a mental health day? Or do you call in sick with a cold, headache etc. instead? I would love to see mental health days becoming a thing here. And to those of you saying that people would abuse such a system - are you the ones who would? Is that how you know?

And can we please also make going to therapy a normal thing? Right now in Switzerland you don’t have to tell you’re employer you’re going to therapy. You’re actually discouraged from doing so in certain companies. You’re meant to just say you have a doctor’s appointment. Yet, if it’s physical therapy – you will hear people mention it. It’s almost like a badge of honor. I hurt myself and now I need physical therapy to get better.

Hmmm, how about: I got hurt and now I need psychotherapy to feel better? Sounds pretty similar to me. But one still has major stigma attached to it. Let’s change that! We can all do this together.

In my other newsletter I’m taking my readers on a bit of a journey. I post less frequently there and usually when something just wants to be written. Come join us. There’s a free subscription option.

Anyway, I got triggered by a friend being told to suck it up because there were people with real trauma – I couldn’t just let this go. It’s too important a topic. It’s too harmful a thing to say.

Remember that people fake being okay, they don’t fake struggling. Be kind.