You can turn back the clocks but not time

Moving forward.

I mentioned before that all that clock changing and changing it at different times or not changing the clock at all in some parts of the same country is doing my head in. It also made me think of how you can turn back the clock but not time and how time just keeps moving forward.

That in turn made me think of how so many of us are stuck wishing back “better” times; wishing they were as fit or slim as they were in their 20s, wishing that terrible events hadn’t happened, wishing to erase a bad memory or a wrong decision.

Why do we do that? I mean we know that we can’t turn back time or at least I think we all do. Yet, we are pretending that we can change the past by moving forward and forgetting about it. The past is not going anywhere. It happened. It can’t be changed. Period. So, how do we get out of that loop?

Well, we first need to realize that we are where we are and accept that there is no going back in time. Today’s “us” is what we’re working with. That’s our starting point. And that’s equally crucial and difficult.

Then we need to figure out what we have to do to move on. What we need to do to get where we want to be. I’m now thinking trauma to make my argument. So, let’s look at that. Accepting or in some cases realizing what happened is key of course. Accepting that you can’t go back in time and undo it, is as well. What you can’t do now – I mean you can, but it’s not helpful – is say “okay, I’m moving forward”. You can’t run away from your trauma and trauma responses. There is some work to be done first.

Just for the record this is not me passing judgement on anybody who is running away. That’s probably all of us at some point. I’m saying that to really move forward you have to go where it hurts and those difficult feelings. You might have to do that several times depending on what you are dealing with. There is no other way and you’re the only one who can do it.

Trouble is that a lot of us have been gaslit into thinking that we’re not good enough that we can’t achieve things, that we’re not worth the effort. This includes the effort that we’re putting into our own wellbeing. If you spend a lifetime being told that you’re not good enough or worthy or that life is meant to be a struggle because you’re basically a sinner, changing things around is incredibly difficult to do.

I’m here to tell you that you CAN do it. I’m here to tell you it’s NOT going to be easy, but so worth it. I’m here to tell you that people who truly support you and deserve a place in your life going forward will want to see you succeed. They will want you to grow. They will want you to follow your dreams. They will want you to be happy. They will cheer you on and be happy for you.

Clock at the railway station in Aarau.

And what happens when you have done the work?

Changing your environment might be necessary, but instead of running away you now have to reconsider your friends, your job, where you live etc. because you made progress, because you worked through your trauma and are no longer the person you were before. Not everybody has the possibility of growing with you at the same rate. Or of even just supporting your progress and cheering you on. Letting them go is going to be tough. You might have to cut people loose that you like a lot. Some of them could be family members.

Give yourself time. Be gentle with yourself as you move forward step by step. At some point you realize that you really don’t want to turn back time. You realize that while you might no longer be in your 20s, you are more content than you’ve ever been.

And then something weirdly beautiful might happen. I was writing down qualities somebody I would like to date should have.

I ended up writing my own profile.