My thoughts are circling around a single topic and have been since early this morning. I hardly slept. I don’t know what to do about it yet. All I know is that I need to show up for a friend – urgently.
I have made some notes during the week so that’s what I’ll use instead. First things first though – I finished my 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle. Took me about a day. I kind of started on Wednesday, but really properly worked on it from 3 PM yesterday. That also meant that I had to go do my weekly shop at 8 AM this morning. Okay the time would have been negotiable, but as we’ve established many times – I don’t like people. Especially in the morning.
So much happened this week. It was Brain Fair at the University Hospital in Zurich. I randomly found out about it because I saw it on a screen at the medical library at work. I only managed to catch the Thursday night discussion where one of the experts was a former professor of mine talking about stress. Anyway, there were a bunch of short talks on brain-related topics on Saturday. Off to Zurich I went.
I think I might have to go into Neuroscience and combine that with artificial intelligence and also look into how trauma changes how your brain works and how brain plasticity means we can rewire it. Fascinating stuff.
Anyway, I just want to mention something from one of the talks that stuck with me and that’s discussed a lot.
Is it really more difficult to learn new things the older you get? The scientific answer has always been – NO.
By “always” I mean at least since 2008 when I was studying psychology. The process changes but we’re still able to learn anything we want. Now the picture that one of the experts painted was this: young people are like sponges soaking up all the information they can get. When we get to a certain age, we have all our knowledge and abilities neatly packed away and stored. If there is new information, we need a minute to check where that fits in and if we can tie it to something we already know. Yes, that might take a bit more time; BUT a healthy brain stays malleable and active until we die.
No more excuses – get out there and learn new things!
I’ve also been thinking about setting goals. This was unrelated to the Brain Fair. I listen to podcasts when doing puzzles. I wanna say it was on the The Diary of a CEO podcast, but I can’t be sure. They were talking about how when we set goals, we always focus on the end result ignoring our starting point. That would be similar to giving somebody directions and only telling them about where to park the car at the very end. When we set goals, we need to look at our current situation, at our starting point. If we don’t take an honest look at that, we won’t make it. We won’t even know what direction to drive off in.
The second thing is that there are different ways of getting there. And different ways work for different people. We are not all the same and that’s a good thing. Let’s say I want to go up into the mountains. I can drive across a mountain pass; I can drive around the mountains and up a valley (still partly a mountain road) or I can take public transport. It all depends on my personal preference, level of stress created by each option or time available. I would not drive across a mountain pass unless I really had to. I can do it – no problem. I just don’t like it. What I’m trying to say is that there are different ways of achieving a goal.
There is no one size fits all option. And why should there be? Find your own way. Map it out from where you are and whatever feels achievable - do it. This actually ties in nicely with what was said during the Brain Fair talks. Consistency matters. Go with changes that are achievable and sustainable rather than quick fixes. Those don’t work long term.
Can we also rethink food? This has been on my mind for a while. Good foods vs. bad foods are just not helpful categories. Every single food serves a purpose in sustaining our body/mind. Sometimes I need a quick sugar spike, sometimes I need to eat something crunchy (that might be a neurodivergent thing, but textures matter), sometimes I need a meal that keeps me feel full for long, sometimes quick carbs are what I need and tell you what, sometimes soul food is needed. How about we learn what certain foods or food groups can give us and decide based on our needs.
I don’t know about you, but that sounds a hell of a lot healthier than feeling shame or guilt when eating “bad” foods. I also shudder when people say “I’ve been good today, I didn’t have any chocolate”. Being good = eating only “good” foods. Ouch! That one takes a lot of effort to untangle. Trust me, I’ve been there.
And please stop commenting on other people’s eating habits. How is “wow that’s a big lunch” a helpful remark? I’ve learned to handle it because I take it as a sign of that person’s own struggle with food. Just know that for anybody who is recovering from an eating disorder that includes binging, eating in front of other people is already difficult enough. And while comments like the one above are never called for, in the case of a recovering binge eater they can most definitely be harmful.
Sometimes I feel like I have too much experience in overcoming mental health struggles.
One more thought on food. There was a question whether there is such a thing as food addiction. Personally, I think binge eating comes pretty close. Food no longer has the function of sustaining our body, it becomes an instrument to numb. Numb whatever we don’t want to feel. Numb that pain. Numb that anger. Numb whatever needs numbing. I know this is simplified but speaking from my own experience this is what it boils down to. Numbing. And, after you realize that’s what you’re doing - unlike other addictions - you can’t just stop eating. You have to keep going. That’s when the cycle becomes super vicious. Have a little bit, but don’t binge. Sure, that’s easy.
Told you this was a tough one.
Here’s one more. I was also reminded that when kids are sent to their rooms or yelled at for having unwanted (unwanted by the environment) feelings, those big feelings don’t go away.
Stop thinking that feelings just evaporate! I mean that. I really do.
The kid has not calmed down it has shut down. There’s a difference. It doesn’t know what to do with those feelings. The message it gets is that it’s not okay. And it takes that personally. It’s not “those feelings are not okay”. It’s “I’m not okay”. But since those feelings are still around and they need to be aimed at somebody we aim them at ourselves. Or if that doesn’t work, they get locked up in our nervous system. Neither is healthy.
Regulating our emotions – that’s where it’s at. The earlier kids learn that - the better.
Take extra special care of yourselves today. Hugs all around.
Thank you for permission to take care of me this lovely St. Patrick’s Day. ☘️ Actually started by watching great films on TV into early morning hours (TFG no where in site or mind; he’s a mental cancer). Sick of that ugly mug everywhere
24/7/365 in our media. Toxic to sanity earned. Have a great day yourself; love your puzzle 🧩. 😘
You are a wealth of good information. Hugs 😊