Sunday Morning Thoughts – December 22, 2024
End of year blues anyone?
I remember every tv show doing a recap at the end of the year when I was growing up. That was a nice tradition and not too much to handle. Some did better recaps than others, but that was to be expected. It was all so nice and easy.
Now we read about EVERYBODY’s achievements all over the internet.
Those who have been following me this year know that I’ve been busy and did a whole lot this year. But I’m still sitting here thinking “I achieved nothing this year”. I know that’s not true but it’s how our brain works. It’s how it’s trained to work. Always comparing us to others. Always in competition with everything and everyone.
Objectively, I achieved some monumental things this year. I don’t need to repeat them. But there are some days, months, years where just making it through in one piece is the biggest achievement ever. I speak from experience. Also, who came up with the year as a fixed entity that starts on Jan 1 and ends on Dec 31 (rhetorical question)? And who decided that achievements needed to happen in this timeframe?
Total bs if you ask me, but I’m also not playing the New Year’s resolution game. It’s a total set up for failure. Go to any gym in January and then go back to the same gym at the same time of day on the same day of the week in March and you’ll see what I mean. It’s not how goals work. It’s not how you change habits.
It doesn’t make sense.
I’m thinking of getting an MSc in Neuroscience. I should be able to build on my BSc in Psychology. I do have other plans first, but I needed to put this out there and see what happens.
Anyway, I don’t want to rant. I really don’t, but the state of the world is making it difficult.
I went to two different supermarkets yesterday and people seemed so stressed. And when you talk to them, they are stressed about Christmas and family gatherings. I’m sitting here all alone and can do whatever I want. Do I sometimes wish it wasn’t like this? Well, yes. But somehow that disappears when I go on my next spontaneous adventure.
I’m on a 17-day paid vacation right now. Okay, I only had to take five vacation days, but it is a total of 17 days off either way. I have some tentative plans for walks and possibly food with friends and that’s it. I’ll probably go to some museums and write and work on something super exciting that I will share below.
And can we talk “mental load”? It is usually the women who carry this. And around the holidays it gets super heavy. And no, having to tell people what needs to be done doesn’t help. The mental load remains. If you understand what mental load is, you understand what I mean.
This is supposed to be a relaxing time, yet I see nothing but stressed out people. I see and hear people talking about how they’re dreading family gatherings because of hurtful things that are thrown at them - every single year. And those very same people are the ones asking why I’ve broken off contact with most of my family.
Yes, I would love to have an emotionally mature family to have a lovely Christmas dinner with. Of course I would. And I would love to have my best friends living close enough to have them over, but they are spread out across the world. I don’t want or need new friends; I just want the ones I have to be closer. It’s not fair!
Now I’m feeling super grumpy.
Yet, I can sit here and the only plans I have/had for Christmas were jigsaw puzzles. I bought three of them yesterday morning. Of course, I should have known that 500 piece ones were not even close to challenging. I finished those in a couple of hours each. Rookie mistake! But … they were of Norway and New York City. So, it all made sense. Here’s the Norway one and I’m gonna use the NYC one as the cover picture. Unless I forget.
Where was I? Oh, nowhere really. So, let’s start over.
There are two things I heard this week that I wanted to share with you. I saw somebody refer to white Americans as “European American”. You should have seen the comments section. I needed popcorn to get through that. It was equally sad and funny. I mean if it’s important to say Asian, African or Native American, why is there no word to describe white Americans. Apparently because that’s the “default”; apparently those are the real Americans. Remember my rant on a panel at the CWA in Boulder in April? It was on somebody saying that Switzerland was not racially diverse and that it’s full of Swiss people. Yep, that’s what happens when you don’t have people invading your country and slaughtering all the natives. But you know – you do you.
Oh, and I’m not saying Switzerland is any better. Not by a long shot. That’s not my point. I love that this random person on – I think it was Tiktok – pissed off European Americans.
And then there was somebody referring to churches as book clubs. Can’t argue with that. It is a bunch of people getting together talking about what’s in a book. Of course, they gloss over all those obvious plot holes, and nobody calls out the chief narcissist (talking about the Bible). Just imagine if we could review the Bible like any other book. And would anybody read the sequel? I know there are two testaments, and other religious groups have attempted sequels and built entirely new religions on them, no need to fact check me on that. I’m just saying would anybody read the Bible for fun and recommend it to a friend WITHOUT the religious dogma piled on?
It feels a bit like any other book in the sense that authors are often misquoted or quotes taken out of context. And I dare anybody look through a book to find the context and correct the quote. Not as easy as it is with the Bible because of course, “regular” books tend not to be written in chapter and verse.
That’s just given me a new book idea. This could be fun. And any plot hole is a lesson and proof of the power of the main character or his dad. That’s the way it needs to be. I’m so tempted to write a parody Bible right now. I can’t even tell you. I know these have been done but … oh so tempting.
Sorry, my brain just went off on a little tangent.
So, does anybody want to know my exciting news? On Friday, December 13 I decided to quit my job and go into business for myself. I’m totally ready to fall flat on my face or butt or whatever else you can fall onto.
I think it’s gonna work though.
Just like with my book, once I made the decision things started falling into place. I mean it took me a day to get the concept, the company name (it has since been tweaked a bit due to stupid Swiss regulations), the logo (also tweaked since) and the first interesting proposal for a potential collaboration.
Totally early days, but why would the universe make everything fall into place if this is not what I’m meant to be doing? And … in case you’re wondering, I’m so doing this MY way. It’s a company like you’ve not seen before – totally unique concept for a one woman show. And a fun name that’s very memorable and misspelled.
Now, I would love to spend all my time on this, but my apartment is a disaster zone. Benefits of living alone – nobody cares until it gets bad. So, until Monday night, it’s gonna be clean, organize, work on company stuff, take online classes, do jigsaw puzzles to calm my mind – repeat. After that it will be writing, painting, working on company stuff, taking online classes, doing jigsaw puzzles to calm my mind – repeat.
No real travel plans but I might end up in Liechtenstein or Colmar or a bunch of museums or up a mountain or on fun trains. Also, I’m not going to Oslo in April for my 50th birthday. When you start your own business, plans change. April will be the first month I’m out there on my own. How exciting is that? Super exciting! Can’t wait.
Starting fresh in April is becoming a theme. I decided to write my book on April 2 this year and started painting on the 6. Stay tuned. This is gonna be good!
You know what I realized when I was working on my Tromsø newsletters? I made the past two life-changing decisions right there. There’s just something about that place. The previous one was in February 2020. It took another 7 or 8 months to pull it off – not my fault, there was this global pandemic.
I have no idea what it is about Tromsø and that area. I just feel immensely connected to that place. And this my friends is why I needed to be in Tromsø rather than NYC this December – gut feeling for the win.
We don’t need to understand everything. We can just be fascinated by it.
Have the loveliest of Sundays everyone and Happy Holidays.
Oh so much, so much. Yes, I have always discounted New Year's resolutions, and I was pleased when I learned my qigong teacher feels the same way, (I'll look for those blog posts). I prefer to do things without fanfare, at whatever time of year they come up. Further along that line, I think it is important to recognize our own accomplishments. A lot of those may not seem like much, but one might be surprised how they can add up. Lesson learned from decades of chronic pain and illness. Some years I wrote every little thing on the calendar to remind myself I was still getting things done.
Years ago a comedienne talked about what she called "the toilet paper issue". Mental load in the form of who keeps track of the household supply, and a conversation she would have with potential partners. And the source of my own holiday mood, made worse due to the timing of restrictions after the eye surgeries.
Ah, love it. I reared my son referring to many of the historical and current ills in the US as caused by European Man. That said, a First Nations teacher I knew said he loved traveling and teaching in Europe because they aren't the people who killed his. I suppose one could quibble about those stay at homes who were behind all the colonization...
And the book club reference, lol.
More power to you in all your endeavors Evelyne. Thanks for letting us tag along.
Good Morning, Evelyne! So pleased about your holiday and plans to reset your life having left your job. Love the puzzles, organizing activities, your plans to travel. You are indeed free as a bird to pursue what ever you like to be happy! Have a lovely Christmas Holiday and New Year’s Eve! What kind of work will you pursue now? Another book adventure perhaps? I’ll be here in my repaired house after Hurricane 🌀 Helene upended my life, although the lot will be a long while getting to a new normal. I was luckier than many, especially those in the formerly lovely mountains of Western NC that I loved. Politics in the USA is a real problem at present and for the foreseeable future as the billionaire elite class try to destroy our entire Democratic history. But it’s much too early here to get into that as we have a momentary reprieve for the holidays. Sad, I can do little anyway, but I will be active in the so called resistance to trashing our norms and Constitution in the coming year. Wishing you happiness in your new endeavors! Much love! 😘