Society: Norms and Standards – Rant 1

What can I say, I got triggered. And I’m not sorry.

Fake pictures

It’s common knowledge that pictures have been airbrushed before they’re published for pretty much as long as that technique has been available. Then came photoshop and filters. I might have missed a few steps in between, but bear with me. So, basically everybody still alive today has been exposed to impossible beauty standards all their lives.

It used to be in magazines – you could avoid those, well sort of. Or in TV, movie, and other ads. Those were more difficult to avoid, but it was still kind of possible. Fast forward to today and it’s become near impossible to not get bombarded with these “perfect” (i.e. fake) pictures of people. You almost have to assume everything is fake. Why are we doing this? I don’t think I’ve posted a picture of myself where I used a filter or edited it (other than cropping), but I think I’m in a very small minority. So, let’s have a look at what beauty norms or other “standards” are out there and see what we can find.

Make-up

Apparently, I would look so much prettier if I wore make-up. I love the assumption that applying make-up is something I’d be good at. And wtaf?! I’m not gonna hide behind a mask thank you very much. Also, I’d rather read a book, splash water in my face if I feel like it and quite frankly – save the money for something useful.

• You’re basically telling me that I’m not good enough the way I am. TOXIC!

Same topic “people won’t take you seriously in business if you don’t wear make-up”. Interesting! So, instead of changing whatever this BS is, I should wear make-up? No, thank you! I impress people with the work I do; what I look like doesn’t factor into my performance. Also, if you can’t be yourself at work, what is that doing to you? Do you know how much time you spend at work? Not healthy and exhausting!

Heels, dresses, white after Labor Day

“You should wear heels with that!” – this one made me laugh. I mean I can hardly walk in regular shoes. And come on! These shoes – and I’m using the term loosely here - can’t be comfortable. I like my feet. I’ll leave wearing heels to other people, thank you very much.

Don’t get me started on dresses. I mean just the fact that as a woman going to a wedding (just one example) and NOT wearing a dress is somehow still considered a big deal is just beyond me. Then if you do give in and wear a dress – don’t do it! – you can only wear that dress once, because otherwise the world will end. And if people realize that you did not buy a new dress to attend their event you can never show your face in public again.

• Women wear heels and dresses – where do I hand in my pearls?

If, and that’s a big IF, I ever get married I might have some fun with the dress code. Things like if you come as a couple, you can either both wear a dress or then neither of you; oh and no make-up allowed; no heels; and I could also ban hairspray or something. In fact, everybody needs to dunk their entire head into a bucket of water when they arrive – hair and all. Before you tell me that that’s ridiculous and that I’m doing the exact same thing I’m criticizing, I’m well aware of that. And that’s exactly my point. If that was your reaction please note that the general “rules” of society when it comes to weddings feel about as ridiculous to me as the ones I just made up do to you.

Do you guys know the “no white after Labor Day” rule? I went to a wedding in California in 1996 and it was in early spring (before Memorial Day). People freaked out when they saw me wearing white shoes. I was asked to hide my feet as much as possible and make sure they were not on any of the pictures. I don’t know what’s more ridiculous - that rule or the fact that people follow it.

I did a quick search to see where it originated. There were several explanations. I’m quoting the one I think fits best and it also works well with my own experience. The article goes on to say that you can wear white whenever you want, which is reassuring.

This fashion rule can be traced all the way back to the turn of the century, Marie Claire reports. The unspoken rule, now very much spoken, was created by the old money elite, hoping to elevate themselves above the nouveau riche, or newly wealthy. (Source: USA Today)

How about we just wear the clothes we like and that are comfortable for us and stop shaming others who decide not to adhere to societal norms? Now that would be refreshing. And yes, there can be different levels of formality if that makes you feel better.

Rules for older women

For those of you thinking those “rules” get better with age. They don’t. Certain colors are no longer allowed once you hit 50 – I’m told. Not quite there yet, but it sounds like I’m already not supposed to wear hoodies and that long and uncolored hair is no longer acceptable. I have my hair cut like every one or two years. Again, I’d rather spend the money on books. I loved when all hairdressers closed during the pandemic. Sorry guys, but that was hilarious. We all take ourselves way too seriously!

• Remember! You are enough, just the way you are. Be brave, be you!

The trigger and more to come

Just to let you know what triggered me. It was a photoshopped picture of Frida Kahlo. Frida Kahlo of all people?! No monobrow, no moustache. I mean come on! A woman who proudly stood up against the beauty norms she was facing. That’s just wrong.

I have to stop myself here – obviously more to follow. We haven’t mentioned: weight, not drinking alcohol, purity culture, going Dutch, what food is allowed when, pink and blue toys and so much more.

Notes:

Wearing white after Labor Day

https://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/2022/08/12/white-after-labor-day-explained/10269739002/