Feeling safe

A work in progress

You know when everybody tells you that feeling happy is what you should be striving for? Well, I’m gonna put “feeling safe” in the ring for most important outcome of trauma healing. When you’ve lived in survival mode for decades, allowing your body and mind to feel safe is going to take a lot of practice and conscious effort. Your body and mind are not used to feeling safe. They are not used to not worrying. They are stuck in survival mode.

You are so used to living on high alert that when things are quiet you feel unsettled. You might even create chaos around you. You might deliberately look for danger. You might play with fire in different ways. You are not used to being safe. You are not used to being okay when things are peaceful, when they fall into place, when you are safe.

Safe feels boring. Safe feels wrong. You don’t know how to feel safe.

You’re used to feeling like the world is out to get you. Like everybody’s conspired against you. Like bad things always happen when you start feeling good. When you dare to feel happy. When you are tentatively experiencing joy.

Waiting for that other shoe to drop. And then – if you wait long enough - there it is. All your fears are confirmed. You hide under the covers. You are just done with the world.

Then out of nowhere a friend reaches out. They hold your hand. They help you feel safe. Find that friend. Be that friend. Feeling safe is crucial for all of us.

Falling asleep holding that hand – pretending to hold that hand when they’re not there. This sense of calm, this sense of it’s all going to be okay. This sense of being able to let go of pain and sorrow.

Trust. Friendship.

Safety.

**

I wrote this last night. Words just flowing out. Then I got a phone call. A friend checking in. I was going to add more but ended up just adding three words.

Remember that you’re not alone. Remember to be gentle with yourselves. Hugs all around.

Above the clouds on Mt. Rigi - escaping the world below.