Excuses, excuses, excuses – goals, motivation and such

This is inspired by a question a friend asked on Twitter

Yes, I’m refusing to call it X – deal with it.

The question aimed to find out what people’s excuses were for not moving more, despite their best intentions. The word couch potato came up as well. It was specifically about moving more, so I will focus on this aspect here as well. I have replied privately, but I do want to share a few thoughts on the subject here as well.

I think the key lies in a major mindset shift.

Let’s start at the beginning. My grandparents were farmers. The only time they ever sat on the sofa was when it was dark outside or on a Sunday if they had visitors. They had a different name for their sofa too. They called it “Diwan” (it’s from Persian; as opposed to sofa which is of Arabic origin; and then there’s couch which comes from French). Sorry, the linguist in me took over for a minute. So, my early conditioning was that the sofa was only allowed after a long, hard day’s work and if you were caught on it any other time you were just lazy. Physical work was all they knew. It was a different time.

The conditioning remains. Many of us think that just sitting on the sofa, relaxing is somehow bad. We could be doing so many other things. I’m sitting on a sofa right now. Of course, I’m not “just” sitting on the sofa – that would make me lazy – I’m writing. There might be a pattern there … Now, if every time I sit down on my sofa I feel bad because that’s lazy, do you think lying on the sofa is relaxing with that mindset? It sure isn’t. That’s why I think a mindset change is needed.

Breaks are necessary and enjoying a break means setting aside time for it. Allowing ourselves to take that break. Breathing, just being. And for the record, I’m really bad at this. My mind will never shut up – and I mean NEVER. But what I’ve achieved is that I don’t feel bad about sitting on the sofa for some me time or lying in my hammock. That’s a start. Sometimes “me time” is all day. And I’m good with that.

Next up the conditioning of having to do sports, of having to move like all the time. You know the conditioning that tells you to get off your butt and move whenever you sit down? That kind. First of all, sports are not mandatory! You don’t like sports. That’s fine. Not everybody does. Running is not for you, don’t run! You can’t stand cycling, don’t buy a bike! I hate that we are all so conditioned into thinking that if we don’t do sports on a regular basis our lives will end. Oh and of course, it also needs to be the kind that makes you sweat and it needs to cost money, otherwise – are you even serious about getting fit?

Can we stop with this already?

The question my friend asked was also about what excuses we make for not moving more. Now, I’m not saying everybody should move more, but I’m trying to answer that question. Here are my personal top excuses.

1. No time – such a classic. Especially after binge watching an entire season of a new series on Netflix. Get real! Time is not the reason you’re not doing it.

2. Too tired – yes, another classic. I’m pretty sure there are studies out there that confirm that active recovery is a good thing. And going for that walk is possible even when you’re tired.

3. I will need another shower. My skin will dry out. Yes, that one’s for real.

4. I can’t do it! Remember when I wrote about how I let my size hold me back and keep me from doing the things I wanted to do because of what other people might think. I no longer care if I look like a hiker. I’m totally doing it anyway.

5. I’ll do it tomorrow. Yeah right, who are you kidding? It makes you relax because you have a plan to do sports tomorrow. Not healthy in the long run (pun unintended but made me smile).

6. I have no sports clothes that fit. True, they don’t make them in our size. At least they don’t sell them at a regular sports shop. Still – do it anyway.

Is this my goal or is society telling me it should be my goal?

So, you’re doing something you enjoy doing (e.g. lying on your sofa reading a book) and that inner voice says “you should go for a run/walk/bike ride etc – you really should”. In my experience, as long as I’m in a “should” frame of mind – I ain’t moving. It’s not what I want to do right now. Our brains always take the easy way out. The first thing I do is I try to figure out if whatever goal I’ve set myself is even really MY goal. Am I committed to losing 10 kilos? Am I committed to running a 10k? Am I committed to going to the gym four times a week? Am I committed to doing yoga every morning? Or is it possible that society makes me feel like I should be doing all these things.

For me that was an eye-opening question. I’ve talked about this before. Once you figure out which of those goals are really one of yours, you can start working on implementing them. Your answer can also be “none of them”, that’s allowed. You need to do what you want to do. Screw society! Screw what other people think. You decide! And you’re enough!

I would consider myself a couch potato most days - the reading kind. Unless I go hiking or cycling. But I only do that when I feel like it. Having an actual goal helped me here. So, I did want to hike a bit more and decided to go on long-distance hikes. I picked realistic stages and had a real goal. It wasn’t just “I want to walk more” - it was I want to walk across Switzerland. This really helped. Being specific with your goals will go a long way. It also helped that I starting writing about my hikes/walks. That gives my brain something to do - like figuring out stories I will tell or just finding out more about where I’m walking.

Also remember that moving more can be fun. You can go on little adventures. Like up a mountain pass or to a museum. Just basically getting out of the house. You’ll automatically move more than if you stayed at home. If you had planned on going for a run and now you’re sitting there and can’t motivate yourself, ask yourself what you could change about the situation that would make you WANT to go for that run. This has helped me immensely. Sometimes it’s a different route (for me it’s walking not running). I was just frustrated and unhappy with the route I’d picked. This was two weeks ago. As soon as I changed it, I couldn’t wait to get out the door.

Maybe not change yourself but change your approach and your activity. You know your brain always looks for the easy way out. It needs to be on board for any of this to work. I’m not being very creative with activities so far, but there’s so many. You’ll find something you like.

I could write so much more on goal setting and there are too many books on the subject. Maybe not too many, but certainly many. Goals need to be achievable and that means realistic; they need to be your own goals (intrinsic motivation comes to mind); they need to be specific (not just move more – but specific activities; not just eat healthier – what will you change?). It also helps when you make your brain aware of them. If the old “when I get home – I’ll do this” doesn’t work, put your running clothes right by the front door. That way your brain doesn’t get into the *but my hammock is soooo comfy* state of mind, you’re back out the door before it can. So much more to say, but I think I’ve answered the question of top excuses.

Also, please give yourself a break! You’re enough just the way you are. Live your life the way you want to live it and if reading a book gives you 10 times the joy of going for a walk then PLEASE read a book.

Do me a favor and do something fun today. Something that makes you happy like a little kid. Something that makes you giggle. I’ve written three newsletters today and I’m not sure I’m done yet …

Don’t worry, I probably am. And I’m also happy. Hugs all around.